Post #9 The blues :-(

When I started this blog I wanted to document everything that happened and everything that I felt. I'm not sure how much I have written about my true feelings. During this whole journey I have felt a lot of frustration and a few accomplishments. Last week a new feeling over came me. I started to feel down, just sad. Every day the feeling got worst. I finally broke down and cried.  Why was I feeling so down? Well my first though was that I am a 24 year old active girl who has now lived on the couch for over a month. I barely get out of the house, and when I do I get exhausted quickly. In Oregon we have dark winters. The weather has been getting nicer and nicer, and all I've gotten to do is admire it from the window. I just want to HIKE!

Well I had myself a little break down, and then my Dad (who is still taking care of me) took me out for a country drive, which immediately made me feel better. Several friends came over Friday to craft with me and then another friend took me on a historic drive that went past several beautiful waterfalls. All of this helped my mood and I am back to feeling like myself again. I am glad I feel better now, but for anyone else going through this- know that at some point during the journey you may come across those dark days.  It's hard, but it'll past.

This drive really changed my mood. Doing a small hike to the falls felt amazing.

On a lighter note, I've been in pain. Is that "on a lighter note"? Yes the sharp pain on the inside of my knee came back last week. The pain was tolerable for the most part, but even sharper pain would join in on the fun every so often. Medicine is not helping. Which is odd. The only thing that has helped it is ice, but I can't keep ice on my knee forever.

I told my physical therapist about it. I was concerned that it might hinder my PT appointment. She is going to call my doctor to make sure that this is normal and if there is anything else that we can do. However, even though it is way more painful than it has been in the last two weeks my range in motion has improved! I got to eighty degrees today! Almost ninety, which is the farthest the doc will let me bend at this point in time. And my quad muscle is back to normal. I don't have to concentrate when contracting the muscle anymore. Although that is great, I have lost A LOT of muscle in my thigh. Now that the quad is working again, I have to work on getting ALL my muscle tone back.

Post #8 CPM machine

Not a whole lot new with the leg.  My main issue is bending.  The other day at PT i was able to bend it to 70 degree with a lot of work and pain.  My physical therapist says i should be able to bend it a lot better by this point.  She suggested a CPM machine for home.  CPM stands for: continuous passive movement.  It is a machine that bends my knee for me.  Because it's passive, it's a lot less strain on that joint.  There are mixed studies about the effectiveness of this machine, but since I'm not able to bend the knee far enough myself, I'm willing to try anything at this point.  The machine was delivered yesterday and the guy who brought it suggested I use it 3 times a day for 2 hours each time.

This is what the machine looks like.  It slowly continuously bends and straightens my knee.  I'm currently using it right now while i write this blog.

We will see how well it works.  I hope it does the trick though, because I'm sick of forcing it at PT.  It's sooo painful!

Besides the bending, my quad muscles are firing a lot easier now.  Which is great!  I was finally able to unlock my brace the other day and get around on my crutches with no problem.  Usually my quad has a hard time firing so i'm not able to move my leg forward while I'm walking around on crutches.  If i lock the brace I'm able to swing that leg forward by moving my hip.  Because I can fire my quad now I don't need to swing my hip as much.  It's awesome, plus it feels a lot looser being able to bend it a little bit while i walk.

I am desperately trying to get off my pain pills.  I'm still taking percocet every six hours.  The other day I actually forgot a dose and didn't realize it till two hours later.  The pain i felt was tolerable.  AWESOME...maybe i can come off my pills!  Nope, i was wrong.  The next day (a full 24 hours off pills) the pain became more intense.  I just kept feeling sharp shooting pains on the inside of my knee.  And for no reason; I wasn't bending it or even moving.  I was just sitting on the couch.  So i decided to take some meds again, and it took a full day for the pain to finally go away.  It's annoying that once i feel pain, it doesn't go away right away- it takes a good 12 to 24 hours if I find myself past a tolerable pain level. 

So I'm back on percocet.  Yesterday evening i decided to cut down to half a percocet every six hours.  SO far i'm doing ok.  BUT it hasn't been a full 24 hours yet.  I may get pretty painful later.  We will see.  I'm crossing my fingers for the best though, because I WANT TO GET OFF THESE PILLS!  :-)

Post #7 Pain meds

I have been taking two percocets every four hours since surgery, along with a few other pain pills and/or muscle relaxers when needed.  Last Monday I was able to cut down to one percocet every four hours, and yesterday I decided to try cutting that one pill in half.  I'd like to get off percocet for several reasons. One, I try to avoid taking any more medicine than i actually need, and with percocet being such a heavy duty drug I'd like to get it out of my system asap.  Two, my surgery was done in a town an hour away from where i live.  Since percocet is a schedule II drug the doc cannot write for refills, and they are not able to fax a new prescription to the pharmacy.  If I run out I have to drive an hour south, pick up my pills or script, and drive an hour back home.  Not only is that a long drive for a ten minute pick up of pills but that's also a long time for me to be in the car.  Short car rides are ok but two hours in the car is a long time for a knee that still will not bend past 60 degrees.  And three, I'm tired of waking up every four hours!  Every time I'm in a deep sleep it seems like the alarm is going off again telling me to take a pill.  I'm over it.

During the day a half a percocet pill was ok.  But i woke up several times in pain through the night.  I ended up taking a full percocet at 4 AM and continued that throughout the day.  I think i was jumping the gun on cutting my pain meds.  So I think I'll take a full pill for the rest of the week and maybe next week I can cut it down.

Today was day three of PT.  Today was much better.  Basically just worked on the bending again.  Still very painful, but at least I wasn't in tears this time.  Last time i bent it to 58 degrees, this time was only 53 degrees.  Dang it, oh well.  Still having issues on firing my quad muscle.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  Frustrating.

Well other than that, nothing else really to update on.  Anything new on the road to walking again I will definitely update on.  As of now I think it'll be a pretty slow process.

Post #6 First Post-op/Second PT appointment

I had my first post-op appointment today. Took a couple X-Rays and got my sutures out. Everything is looking good. I am able to finally take my ted stockings off and I don't need to keep a bandage on it. However, the Dr. said the ted stockings might be a good idea when I'm up walking around to reduce the swelling, but at home I'm fine having them off. Great news cuz those things were giving my leg a rash. Here are the X-Rays:

You can see my lovely screws in this picture, along with the two holes where they drilled through my leg to thread the ligament.  What I thought was interesting is that the ligament is held by some hardware that will eventually dissolve. Dissolving hardware!?  I've heard of dissolving sutures, but hardware?  AWESOME! 

And here is an X-Ray of my bent knees.  It's taken from above so you can see how my kneecaps sit when my legs are bent.  Notice the left one vs. the right.  The right lines up great (after surgery), where the left one is still way off track.  That's how my right one use to look.  I'm amazed at the difference!

The Dr. gave me a paper to give to the DMV so I can get a HANDICAP PARKING PASS!!  Oh my gosh.  I feel like such a dork, being 24, and having a handicap parking pass.  Not that I can drive anytime soon, but if i need to go to the store for something (which is still pretty rare at this point) I am completely winded as soon as I get inside the doors.  Apparently I should of done a lot more push ups before surgery cuz a simple shopping trip for one or two things ends up being an hour long affair, and I'm really for a nap when I get home.  So hopefully the pass will help.

Still on pretty heavy medication, Dr. wasn't surprised by this.  I was concerned that I'm still taking percocet every four hours but he thought that was totally normal.  All he says to me is "This surgery was a very major surgery, and you being in that much pain does not surprise me at all".  I guess that's good to know I'm not just being a complete baby.

Normally I look forward to PT just because I like to see all the progression I've made.  But after today, PT is officially off my list of places I have a good time going to.  My appointments are 45 minutes long and within 20 minutes of my appointment I was in tears.  Today we worked on bending, and my knee is so tight.  I can barely get past 40 degrees but she pushed me to a point where it felt like my leg was going to either snap or dislocate.  After i burst into tears we tried to bend it a different way, and after a few minutes of bending it that way I got to 55 degrees, but by 57 degrees I was in tears again.  We progressed onto activating my quad muscles.  She placed me on a machine that sends electrical signals to my muscles and I had to contract my quad every time the electrical signals would hit.  It feels like tiny little sharp needles and after a high enough amp my muscle will contract.  I then have to intensify this contracting by trying to raise my leg off the table.

That exercise went ok, but I was just so sore from the bending I didn't really care at that point.  We did one more round of bending, it really hurt but at least I didn't burst into tears.  We called it a day and I headed home.  I am writing this blog two hours after my PT appointment and I am still in a high amount of pain.  Within the last 24 hours I have been able to cut back and take half a percocet every four hours.  After PT I have taken a full pill of percocet, and a full pill of oxi.  I am also currently icing it and I'm elevating it.  Still in a lot of pain, and any movement intensifies that pain.

So I'd say today is not my favorite of days.  I'm just worn out and will probably go to bed tonight at eight.  I'm just being a negative Nancy and feeling sorry for myself.  I'm sure tomorrow will be better and I'll forget all about this pain.  And I guess PT after any surgery is going to be painful, so I just need to suck it up.

Right now PT is very painful/frustrating.  I'm one of those people who love working out with a trainer who tells you how long to do things for.  I HATE having to tell people "I can't go any farther...I'm too tired/sore".  So having to tell my PT "STOP I can't bend anymore" feels like a defeat to me.  So maybe all of this is also a pride thing to me.  Either way I know it HURT and HURT BAD.  I have PT again this Thursday, hopefully that appointment goes a lot better.


I'll show how my leg looks after the sutures are out, and the amount of bruising I have 1 1/2 weeks after surgery. 


IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH YOU MAY NOT WANT TO SCROLL DOWN  ;-)






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